Leaving my babies

One of the hardest things I do almost every day is to leave them. Little Zaney with his silly little kissy noises and telling me bye and Reagan with his near perfect hugs and kisses and his amazing unwillingness to tell me he loves me. Zaria with her shy hugs, because you just know she still wants to be the baby too, even at almost seven.

I would easily spend all day with them, go to all of their little school things and be the most perfect stay at home mom ever. But, that was not what life had planned for me and not where I am today. Today, I get up and watch everyone get ready for their day and help the best I can, while getting myself ready for mine. Then I leave them all and go to work, and every so often it breaks my heart just a little.

This morning was one of those mornings. The first heartbreaker came when I went in our bedroom for a few minutes and when I came out little Zane was having a meltdown, he thought that I had left him without saying goodbye. At two, he can't express that that well, but that was the issue. When he saw that I was still there, he pulled himself together and just gave me the cutest, saddest big fat lip you've ever seen. Several hugs later, he was his normal curly haired vibrant toddler, but I still felt bad.

The other one came as I was driving, about three blocks away from my house, and about ten minutes late. My phone rang, when I answered, it was our oldest son John, he informed me that Reagan was crying in the driveway for me!! Reagan is four and shouldn't be in the driveway, so once we got past that and I was sure he was safe in the house, I spoke to my inconsoleable son.

I told him that I had given him several hugs and kisses before I left, but he assured me that I had not. I begged him to let me kiss him over the phone and he said,"No, come back and kiss me goodbye" still inconsoleable. I made one last attempt at consoling him over the phone, now ten blocks from home and truly late. This time he remembered the kiss and calmed down, I gave him another over the phone and reminded him how much I love him. But, yeah, my heart is a little more broken today then it was yesterday...